I posted something on Facebook. My husband happened to read it. He asked me what was that all about. I was taken aback. I could not answer him. He asked me again, this time, he was insistent. I told him that I would just tell him if I were ready. I turned my back from him, and then he continued facing the computer again. Silence.
In all the years that we have been “we”, I have not been secretive to him. He knows who my X-boyfriends were. He knows what I like and dislike. He knows how emotional I get when I am tired or sad. He knows my childhood. He knows me. Yet at that instant, when he asked me about the post, my brain froze and my tongue rolled back. I really could not answer him.
Okay. The post was not about him. I assured him of that. I told him that he does not know the person whom I was talking about. However, he was like a young boy persistently asking for a piece of candy from his girl playmate. Well, less the tantrums though. I reiterated to him that I would just tell him soon or the soonest, or maybe, never.
I think there is nothing wrong if wives are open to their husbands or vice versa. As per Dr. Aphys Fade, “Your spouse has the right to your innermost thoughts. Privacy has no place between a husband and his wife. The more secrets you have, the more chance of problems when she finds out the truth. If you are secretive, you undermine your wife’s feelings and security. When a woman can trust you, she is able to love you more fully.” However, in our case, I was the one secretive. Of course, I did not undermine my husband’s feelings and security. I want him to trust me. I know he trusts me. He loves me. I love him more. That little secret might have made me realize about things between us, but it had never ruined our love for each other. It was never about him, right? It was just a ‘microscopic speck’ of our relationship.
As what Rhonda H. Kelley said in her article Communication between Men and Women in the Context of the Christian Community, “In marriage, the husband and wife must understand each other’s style of communication. While the husband may have no need to discuss his feelings about a specific situation, the wife may want to talk it out. A husband may want to confront conflict, while the wife may try to avoid it.” The bottom line here is, wives and husbands must have openness, understanding, respect, and most of all, love for each other. I married my husband entitling him to own me, as I own him. Though I can still be with my own self and him with his own self, yet now, there is a big difference. We are now “one”. Above and beyond, we will always live to our vows that is “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”